Take your fucking hair net off before you make out in a hospital.

So much blood. So much rage.

Someday I am going to do an Elaine Scarry reading of Grey's Anatomy. I will then write a book called 'Trauma Theory in Grey's Anatomy. Seriously.'
This episode will feature prominently.


Continuing with this weird postmodern bent - the brother/sister/kinda like incest relationships are starting to creep me out. Gizzie just needs too fucking die. Like now. And what is it with the Grey sisters always sticking their hands into people's bodies?

I need to stop being an English grad student like....right now.




On that note - of course Rose knew of to fix computers.
But if V Chawa was the intern in that OR that computer would have been fixed in like 3 seconds.

And omfg - the amount of gratuitous blood!
Queasy.
Thanks for that Seth Green by the way.


PS - Please let Alex wear that black wife beater in every episode from now on. Thank you.

'Grey’s’ needs to save itself from pap — stat!

Exhilarating conclusion necessary to dig show out of hole, keep audience

"Even a frustrated fan can admit that it'll likely work out again. That's what "Grey's" does. It evokes thoughts of rage, rebellion and hyperbolic cries that we'll watch nevermore. But viewers keep coming back.

Check out how hot Alex is in this photo

"McDayum!!"

"It's been on for 15 minutes - how can you possibly already have stuff to discuss?"

So today was a pretty quality episode of Grey's.
And by quality, I mean ridiculous.

Since today was Thanksgiving, I watched it at home with my mom. And as usual, I had to converse with the Jill and the Fig [I'm trying out a new version of her name] via AIM - something which my mom did not understand.

I was starting to worry slightly about Grey's but then an episode like this appears, and my faith in it's completely-unbelievable-but-addicting-ness is restored.

Nazis.
Exploding necks.
Crashing ambulances.
Crashing computers.
Licorice.
Both of Alex's women in the same place at the same time.
Glorious.



Though I have to say I am slightly disappointed in the crashing ambulances.
A seizure?
I was hoping for something a bit more Detroit.

Man In Hospital Gown Surrenders After Standoff In N.J. Eatery, Police Say

[Borrowed from MSNBC]

WNBC-TV

updated 5:58 p.m. ET, Fri., Nov. 16, 2007

A man with a knife has surrendered after barricading himself inside a restaurant in Springfield, N.J. Police said there was no one else in the restaurant, which is located at Caldwell Place and Morris Avenue.

New Jersey State Police said the man jumped out of an ambulance in his hospital gown and ran into the restaurant.

The standoff lasted for about two hours until the man surrendered peacefully.

The incident began at around 3:30 p.m.

[Who needs to create storylines when the real world gives you stuff like this? Truth is stranger than fiction].

A list.

1. Man, I love Bailey.

2. There is no way Derek ever had an afro [and wasn't Burke the one who played sax?].

3. Finally, yet one more piece of info about Alex's past. Or did we know that already?

4. I don't know if I could be a writer on Grey's anymore, as they have once again stolen [kinda] a plotline I would have used - next week there will be ambulance chaos [of course in my Detroit version of this, a crazed gunman is involved - so there is still material to be used].

5. As further evidence that Grey's reflects my life entirely [or that someone is stalking me and my blogs] a kid got a pencil in his eye. Everyone knows my favorite way of saying that something is annoying the hell out of me is that I want to poke a pencil in my eye. Example sentence: "Reading William Faulkner makes me want to poke out my own eye with a pencil."

6. Wait, revised example sentence: "Gizzie makes me want to poke out my own eye with a pencil."

Why Gizzie can't have good sex.

"Fun" box.
Bottle of booze.
Izzie in sexy nightie.


What is George wearing?

A sweater that looks like it came straight from Mr. Rogers' closet

.



I rest my case.

Gizzie needs to be surgically cut from ‘Grey’s’

George and Izzie as a couple feels too random and just doesn’t work

Amen.

A notice to all TV execs.

Dear television executives,

Allow me to introduce myself. I know that now that all your writers are on strike you have no one to pen scrips for your shows. However, I - Alex Cervenak - would like to offer my script writer services. I have been writing fake episodes - as well as [correctly] predicting real occurrences - on Grey's Anatomy for several years now in my livejournal. Thus, I feel that not only can I continue the current season I can [dare I say it?] write it better, as I'll cut all the weird sentimental and completely unbelievable bullshit. Also, as a former news opinions writer I feel that this qualifies me [though you may not] to write for such people as Jon Stewart or even Dave Letterman. And most importantly, I am a poor college student meaning that whatever you pay me, I will gladly take it meaning you don't have to worry about ME going on strike.
There is the offer. Please consider.

Sincerely,
Alex

next week on grey's anatomy: octopus child

because they always seems to feature a unique medical case that has occurred once in the entire world (remember the penis fish?), i submit this to whoever will be writing grey's anatomy in the future.

Girl with 8 limbs undergoes surgery


i hope the surgery goes well for the little girl; even with her 4 extra limbs, she is very cute.

Slightly gross.

Last night I had a dream that I amputated my own leg. This has probably been caused by several things:
1. It's Halloween time.
2. I have been reading too much about the Civil War.
3. That dude cut off his own foot on Grey's.

Sadly, the only other people in the dream were my mom and brother.
Why not Dr. O'Malley and Dr. Karev?!!?

I was wasting time [obviously] and I found this.

Stephen Colbert + Jon Stewart + McDreamy + douches = what's not to love?

You can 't deny it.

One thing, and one thing only needs to be said about tonight's episode:

Alex Karev + black wife beater = severe hotness.

The Forgotten Whores of Grey's Anatomy

Quick! Who's the bigger whore?
A. Alex Karev
B. George O'Malley
C. Mark Sloane aka McSteamy

My guess is you probably chose A or C - not dear, sweet innocent George. But this afternoon, me and the K Fig came to the conclusion that George O'Malley is actually one of the biggest whores on 'Grey's Anatomy.' In the course of a year [or 3 seasons, whatever I don't get TV time] George has slept with Olivia, Meredith, Callie and Izzie. This is made even more impressive by the fact that he's gay - okay in the reality of the fictional universe he's not, but whatever.
I know that civilized society will now shun me, but that has already happened as the K Fig and I have also recently found ourselves as the only members of "Team Alex" is support of Dr. Karev. This does not mean that I no longer love the George, as he is still the love of my imaginary Grey's life - and like Callie I'm not exactly ready to give up on the George that once was.
So George, what happened?! How did you quietly and stealthily amass more lady action than McSteamy, the self-admitted man whore?
In fact George's man-whore ways can be topped by only one person - Izzie Stevens, yet another character not necessarily thought of as a whore. In the course of one 3 season year Izzie has slept with Alex, gotten engaged to Denny and broken up George's marriage. Now that's seriously impressive.
So all of this begs the question - does being a whore mean actually sleeping with a multitude of people, or just acting like one? Blunt, more obviously good looking, slightly jack-ass-y men like Alex Karev fit our preconceived notions of what a man whore should be, so even though he's only slept with Izzie and Olivia and not broken up any marriages and kissed Addison once [and actually restrained from getting it on with a patient! Gasp!] we immediately think he's actually the whore. But all the while, bumbling, short and in earnest George slips by under the radar actually doing the man-whorey deeds.
But then again, when you're on a fictional prime time soap opera sleeping with a few more people than the next guy might not mean anything at all.
This then leads us to Izzie - why is she not the resident lady-whore? Perhaps it's because we always feel sorry for her - her fiance did die the same night he proposed, and the other guy she's supposedly in love with is already married [though not for long apparently]. Tragedy and whore-iness don't mix, and all we're left with is a muddle which just leaves us feeling sorry for her. The only woman ever actually called a "whore" was Meredith - by Derek, for sleeping with...well, him.
Sure, Meredith was sleeping with a married man, but then Derek knew he was married to Addison and sure Addison slept with Sloane but then Sloane slept with Callie when she was semi-dating George and then George slept with Izzie and then.....when everyone is sleeping with everyone else does the label "whore" not matter anyway?



Oh, I would just like to say this applies to real society by the way.
Which justifies me wasting 30 minutes writing a blog about a fictional TV world.

"i just threw a pancake in the river!!" -OR- a new meaning of the phrase "breakfast with grey's"

alex [the girl] asked for a buzzed post, so here it is. ignore any typing mistakes; they're really not my fault.

first - alex [the guy] is an ass. and being an ass does not make a person hot. in the reality of the actual universe (as opposed to the fictional) asshole-ism decreases a person's attractiveness. therefore, if alex and lexie actually interacted in real life, she would have punched him in the head while in the elevator.

meredith and lexie: you've each lost your mother, and it sounds like you've each lost your father (for different reasons, but still) - bond over that! you're all you've got! besides that other sister. what the heck happened to her!?

callie: izzie will so kick your ass. growing up in a trailer park, giving up a baby at 16, losing your fiance to a heart attack - what have you done? oh yeah, i seem to remember your uber-rich father showing up and threatening to pay for a big, glamorous ("champagne wishes and caviar dreams," addison? way to rip off fergie) wedding. even though you may be a dominatrix in comparison to george, izzie will still kick your ass. even though she has gone all bambi the last couple of seasons, she once threatened to beat up cristina. and cristina was scared. so you should be too.




ohhh!!!!! i have just realized that i did not tape over my "antiques roadshow" with grey's fucking anatomy. this is so glorious!

You have apple hair.

And I threw a pancake in the river. [Of all things to say! When my brain spazzes out I hope I say something better].

Several things must be noted:
1. Alex finally trimmed his hair.
2. Rory Gilmore's grandpa is now an intern. Poor guy.
3. Needle in eye?! Gross. I can't even wear contacts.
4. RIP Really Old Guy.

But most importantly - HOW EXCITED ARE YOU FOR NEXT WEEK'S CAFETERIA FIGHT?!

I've been waiting for Izzie and Callie to throw down for like a year.
I'm taking bets.
Sure, Izzie grew up in a trailer park.
But Callie is a dominatrix.

Who's your money on?

George is basically my hero.

Okay, so this isn't really George - it's T.R. Knight. But still, this makes him even the more loveable!

This would be better with waffles.

Thanks to my new laptop, I now have the unprecedented ability to blog about Grey's AS it happens. [This is mainly to help the Jill, who cannot watch the show as it happens] Since this cannot occur in person as it used to, this conversation is now reduced to cyberspace. tear sob.

GEORGE ♥

Wtf pigtales Yang? Seriously?

OMFG Fix your hair Alex. It's fucking poufy - and whats with the goatee? Hideous. Shave it off.

Ah, George is back as an intern! At least he did not go to Mercy West.

"Girl on girl honeymoon" - someone's favorite fantasy I am sure.

I hope McDreamy and Bailey hook up. That would make my life.

The Chief just called Callie "George." I think. Maybe.

Oh snap. Sisters almost meet.

UPPER ARM AMPUTATION?!?!?!?!

Dead guy breathing!!!!

Way to reveal you're Meredith's sister while wheeling in armless woman Lexie.

[karebare665 (9:09:35 PM): was that really the best time to drop that bomb lexie?][credits]

Ewwww - arm! [I'm having Elaine Scarry flashbacks]

STOP SHOWING THE ARM STUMP!!

If Alex doesn't cut his hair I will email Shonda Rimes personally.

A dude just ate cotton balls!

A zombie? Or Lazarus?!

Awwwwwkward for McDreamy.

Oh, look even more awkward."Daddy intern." Fucking creepy Callie.

"My boobs are a little sore." Oh wait just got creepier Callie.

Poor deer. If you fucking help a deer Izzie I will no longer have any respect for you.

A DEER?!?!? [Jill is crying right now because an animal is hurt]

karebare665 (9:19:06 PM): "we found this fucking arm in the road, and we have a dying deer in our truck"

Internally decapitated?!

karebare665 (9:21:39 PM): talk to you next commercial!

Eating surgical equipment?!?!!

Please note Alex will soon hook up with poor lonely armless girl.

Jumping the deer. [instead of the shark]"You don't try to save them, you eat them." Gross!!

ARM.

Does Meredith have a fake spray bottle tan?!

Eeeeewwwwwwwww. Alex and Lexie.

Bailey and the Chief throw down!

Hahahaha Christina is awesomely bitchy again.

karebare665 (9:27:46 PM): McDreamy seems really pathetic

Laa13laa (9:27:42 PM): seriously

Laa13laa (9:27:47 PM): lame oh

Laa13laa (9:28:11 PM): even i can find someone to go get a drink with and I'm not nearly as hot as Patrick Dempsey

karebare665 (9:28:29 PM): haha

karebare665 (9:29:02 PM): if you're going to have a baby with no arm, you need the best ob/gyn

karebare665 (9:29:50 PM): and did that guy eat siccors?

Laa13laa (9:29:51 PM): yeah i am pretty certain

Laa13laa (9:29:56 PM): and some binder clips ahaha

karebare665 (9:30:21 PM): gross!

karebare665 (9:30:29 PM): somebody make that man some waffles!

karebare665 (9:30:31 PM): stat

Bailey is way more badass than Callie.

Laa13laa (8:54:10 PM): mwuahahahaha I get to watch greys before you do!

Laa13laa (8:54:14 PM): yay time zones

prestochangeo44 (9:32:52 PM): bitch

Crying kids? Now you're just manipulating our emotions.

GIZZIE is freaking creepy.

"I'm Bambi" Oh man where is P Patel?

Vent McDreamy vent.

Oh snap McDreamy just owned McSteamy!!

Bonding with an armless woman Meredith? wtf.

Man chokes on scissors!!!

karebare665 (9:38:09 PM): so izzie is bambi?

karebare665 (9:38:15 PM): and how dumb is she

karebare665 (9:38:17 PM): he's married

karebare665 (9:38:24 PM): leave him alone

karebare665 (9:38:30 PM): homewrecking whore

karebare665 (9:39:53 PM): izzie's mother isn't even dead!

karebare665 (9:39:56 PM): that line made no sense

They are going to shock deer? What.the.freaking.hell.

OMG a Lazarus deer!!

A baby is coming! And no Addison!!! And George is delivering a baby?!!?!? wtf.

he just delivered it in all of 3 seconds.

Lexie's has crazy big eyes like Stephanie!

Oh man,now Christina is sappy. I take her awesomeness back.

Callie and Alex throw down!

"A cute festival" Seriously?!?! I think I might hate Lexie.

Awwww what about you George? <3

Her mom was the hiccup woman?!?!

Wtf Lexie and George are so going to make out in like 3 episodes.

karebare665 (9:49:58 PM): when did george become a pimp

karebare665 (9:50:03 PM): all the ladies want him

karebare665 (9:50:06 PM): too bad he is gay

karebare665 (9:51:08 PM): in the reality of the fictional universe

karebare665 (9:51:14 PM): i was hoping the deer would attack izzie

karebare665 (9:51:28 PM): also please note that i am eating shredded cheddar cheese out of a bag

If Bailey says "speechless" one more time I am going to yell at the TV.

You're not chief resident Bailey so you can actually go home and spend time with your baby!!!

Oh my hell. Now McSteamy is getting all touchy feeling."I came to Seattle for you. I came to Seattle to get you back."

I hope McDreamy and McSteamy hook up!!!!! That would make my freakin life.

OMG Lexie wants George so bad.

Are ALEX AND CHRISTINA about to have a tender moment?!?!!?!?!?!?!! NO WAY.

Ooooh cold Meredith, cold.

MCDREAMY AND MEREDITH BREAK UP?!?!?!

Thank god.

They were getting boring. You broke up - stop making out!!!!

GIZZIE!!!!!!!!!!!

"Jill: i think this should be your note about grey's anatomy"

All conversations eventually turn to talk of Grey's anatomy. Today while vikram was telling me that andy couldn't sleep because of their loud neighbors obviously my first thought was that Meridith gave McDreamy wax ear plugs because she snores to loud. This led to a discussion about the character of Alex. We seem to know nothing about Alex, so we discussed some scenarios of his life before Seattle grace.

Karen: oh good god i just used grey's anatomy to help andy with his sleeping troubles

Jill: oh my hell

Karen: they have loud neighbors

Karen: so naturally my first thought was meridith got mcdreamy wax earplugs

Jill: lol

----

Karen: grey's anatomy can relate to any situation

Vikram: lol

Vikram: bc so much shit happens

Vikram: like every social problem imaginable has occurred

Alex: social and medical

Vikram: I doubt medical

Jill: this is true

Jill: sadly

---

Karen: what were the previews of grey's for this week?

Jill: i dunno, but alex gets punched and falls down

Jill: and george tells izzie he loves her

Karen: george told izzie that last week

Karen: who punches alex?

Karen: when are we going to learn about alex

Karen: i feel like we don't know anything about his character

Karen: we don't know anything about his background except he went to med school in iowa

Jill: write shonda rimes

Karen: alex is a really undeveloped character

Jill: he is secret

Karen: alex was probably adopted. one day his birth father will show up and need a kidney transplant, then never talk to alex again after the surgery

Jill: lmao

Karen: oh wait that already happened on lost

Jill: Laa13laa (12:38:38 AM): Alex will then be pushed out of a window

Laa13laa (12:38:44 AM): and end up in a wheel chair

Jill: Laa13laa (12:38:53 AM): only to be saved by mcdreamy

Karen: because his 70 year old dad is strong enough to push alex out of an industrial strength glass window

Karen: it will then be revealed that alex knew how to fly and chose not to

Jill: he will be a superhuman body builder

Jill: i think this should be your facebook note about greys anatomy

---

Karen: who would he meet in heaven

Karen: denny didn't like him

Karen: denny wouldn't talk him in to living

Karen: well i guess denny wouldn't want him with him

Jill: they would finally throw down

Karen: my note needs a good title

Karen: instead of doc being in heaven the deer that izzie saved will be there

Karen: sadly the deer got run over by an ambulance as it was leaving the parking lot of seattle grace

Jill: lol

Jill: oh!

Jill: alex can meet that guy he killed

Jill: when he gave him too much sodium or whatever

---

Some other random thoughts about greys:

Vikram: was george in the new episode?

Karen: yes

Karen: he is an intern again

Vikram: lol

Karen: meridith is his resident

Karen: he was being a whiny bitch

Vikram: he decided to do it over

Vikram: good choice george!

Vikram: quiting would have been a huge moment

25 reasons i am annoyed by grey's anatomy. seriously.

never before has a television show been so simultaneously addiciting and frustrating at the same time. we plan our social engagements around it, we spend hours discussing it, and then we spend more hours discussing how seriously annoying and frustrating it is. eagerly disgruntled, with sit hanging on every second, gathering up the details of meredith and derek, izzie and george, referring to them in conversation as if they were our own friends.

every week we yell at the television and occasionally throw things

every week we say how much more outlandish the plotlines have gotten.

every week we vow to not watch the show and be more productive.

but every week, there we are, eagerly waiting for the clock to change from 8:59 to 9:00.

the following are 25 conclusions/exclamations/grievances i had with the season premiere, just to give you a taste of what it's like to be in my living room on thursdays:

1. they give the interns INTERNS!?!?!?! [these people should not be allowed to teach anyone].

2. and, seriously, way to rip off bailey with the 5 reasons. none of you are as hardcore as bailey.

3. yes, the chief did just call callie "george."

4. no, she does not know what happened to burke, and he is "not around" because he got FIRED OFF THE SHOW. [from here to eternity, burke shall be referred to he-who-shall-not-be-named].

5. HIT A DEER!!!!?!!?!?!

6. "we got a guy rising from the dead over here." [oh good god, cheesey dialogue.]

7. well, now that you only have one arm, you will be able to more identify with your arm-less child. [please note, my specialization will soon be ARMLIS, when i finally add the second one].

8. SHOOT THEM IN THE CEREBRAL CORTEX!!!!

9. way to rip off the severed leg plotline from like 2 seasons ago.

10. good god callie, please do not announce the status of your boobs.

11. "uhhhh, we found an arm in the road!!!!?!" [ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!? and how come when they had the severed penis someone had to be with it at all times, but now they can just walk in off the street with an arm?]

12. and seriously, how come addison is gone and we still have to watch sloan.

13. obviously dr. who-will-not-be-named has resigned as he is now on bionic woman.

14. good god, george and izzie stop arguing over who is bambi.

15. what are they going to do with this deer when they get it fixed up? a deer can't remember to come back every week for a check-up. what happens when you shock a deer?

16. OH MY GOOD GOD THE DEER JUST JUMPED UP! DEER!!! WHERE WAS IZZIE WHEN BAMBI'S MOTHER DIED!!??!?!

17. george please, oh please, do NOT sleep with lexie. though finally, atleast one of the grey women has some sense.

18. i wish derek would punch sloan again. ["i came to seattle to get you back." seriously, weren't you professing your love to addison?]

19. why did izzie call her interns duds?

20. ALEX AND CRISTINA, IF YOU SLEEP TOGETHER I AM NEVER WATCHING THIS SHOW AGAIN. SERIOUSLY.

21. why does meredith always get in these situations where people are calling her from each side? [remember meredith/finn/derek at the prom?]

22. “this is it”?!?!?! THIS IS NOT IT!! THIS WILL NEVER BE IT! this is GREY’S anatomy and there will always be ANOTHER chance to reunite. especially when you make out like that after you have broken up. and then have sex.

23. plus, if you break up, we won’t be able to use that cool new moniker of “merder.”

23. george and izzie!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 OH MY GOOD GAWD! george, atleast if you love izzie, STOP TRYING TO GET CALLIE PREGNANT.

24. bailey could so kick callie's ass if they had to fight for chief resident.

25. seriously.

Continuing my Academic Demise....

Yesterday I said that I only write posts to yell at Detroit and Wayne State.

I take that back.

I also use it to yell at televsion shows which I know I cannot change.

1. You know shit it messed up when someone using a power drill to make a hole in someone's head is the most believable part of your show.

2. The man with the fucking hole in his leg swam. Why the fuck can't you?!?! [look, you're not me. I'm probably the only person left on this earth who doesn't know how to swim]

3. How many people know their boss's cell phone number off the top of their heads in a moment of extreme crisis? seriously.

4. I hope she fucking dies. Then the show can just be called "Anatomy" and it would be so much easier.

5. Alex and Addison just need to get it over with and sleep with each other. It will happen next week. Hopefully.

6. DENNY AND THE BOMB MAN?!?!?!?! What. the. hell. This moment resulted in even more screaming at the TV than when George said he married Callie. I never thought I would live to see the day when Grey's thought it was self-important enough to go all Sarte-ian. [which leads me to point 8].

7. Meredith probably won't die. She'll probably go into a coma Days of Lives style, magically wake up in the middle of next season and in the meantime Derek will have married Izzie, and she'll be pregnant, and Burke will have died because he made fun of George and Christina is now a lesbian and George and Callie will have broken up and now Callie is with Sloane and George somehow seduced Addison and all thats left for Meredith will be Alex and Meredith will be so pissed that she'll really kill herself in the bathtub.

8. If you continually jump the shark, every week - do you ever REALLY jump the shark? And how many sharks can you actually jump?

9. I am so watching next week.

Just so I can say I called it.

Since it was about 2:30 am and we had nothing better to do, me and Jill of course decided to watch yesterday's episode of Grey's Anatomy online.

We cannot believe we are this addicted to a show with such ridiculous plotlines which we complain about constantly. Yet we watch it on loop.

And in next week's episode there is supposed to be some massive diasaster which kills a shit load of people. We predict any combination of the following scenarios:

1. Its a fucking lame disaster like 2 ferry boats hitting each other. [This will probably be it, as previews always make the next episode look more dramatic than it actually is]

2. Terrorists learn that herbal supplements combined with radiation and chemo create neuro toxins and so they run around feeding cancer patients herbs.

3. Terrorists blow up the Space Needle.

4. A ferry boat runs into the Space Needle.

5. Due to an earthquake the Space Needle tips over. And lands on a ferry boat.

I am really rooting for something involving the Space Needle and/or ferry boats.

Grey's Anatomy Episode #4450973406572: The Ears

Nothing ever takes its normal course with me.Who has their ears pierced? EVERYONE.But of course, when I tried to do it - well, things did not go so much as planned.

Yesterday, my ears started to hurt and throughout the course of the day, they got progressively more swollen and red. And then, when getting ready to leave for BW's class, my left ear decided that it had had enough and it swelled up so much that it swallowed up the stud, meaning the ball was actually inside my ear.

Slightly gross, yes. Add to this blood, and needless to say, I was thoroughly disgusted.

You know things are bad when Jill tries to comfort you by saying "Well...at least you got a tetnus shot last year when you sliced your finger."

Indeed.

It was then determined that there should be an operation last night to attempt to remove said stuck-in earring. Andew J played the part of the anastegiologist, suggesting I go to Cass Cafe and get drunk before the operation began (which needless to say, we did). The interns included Saraff (who in her drunken state) held an entire lamp up to my ear for better viewing, Stephanie and Karen who in their sobriety tried to reign in the Saraff (Sara: I think maybe Sasha should bite down on a bullet. Stephanie: I don't think she should bite on metal. Maybe this hot mitt would better.), and the roommates who lended their moral support. McJill herself was the surgeon, the best earring removal surgeon UT Grace has to offer.

Sadly, said operation was unsuccessful, as neither earring could be removed easily and blood was coming out of both ears. It was deteremined that I should probably not to go to Harper or Receiving at 1 am, as they would probably only tell me to go get a gun shot wound and come back and then maybe they would look at me. So this morning I had to place the following call to my mother:

Alex: Mom, I am having some health issues.

Mom: (suspicious already) Yeeeessss?

Alex: Over Christmas break I went to go get my ears pierced and -

Mom: What?!Alex: So, you didn't notice then.

Mom: No.

Alex: Oh. Well. Anyway, there are both infected - one is really bad, like the ball of earring is stuck inside my ear and I can't get it out.

Mom: (sigh) Fine. I will call Dr. Kim. I hope you don't need plastic surgery.

But thankfully, my doctor seems to have encountered this problem many times and with dexterity popped out the stuck in earring, and got the other one out as well and then drained both ears. Real doctors do things much better than drunken friends (no offense).

Now I have to wait about 3 months, and if I want to try again, I need to get a higher grade metal than just 14 kt. Boo.

As we got into the car to leave the doctor's office my mom said "This is a shame Alex. Dad gave me some diamond earrings one time, and I still never went and got my ears pierced. I could have given them to you."

Gee.

Thanks.