In anticipation of tonight's 2-HOUR, ACTION-PACKED, EARTH-SHATTERING, THRILL-INDUCING premiere of our own favorite television show, I have been reading various articles and watching old episodes to re-sync my brain with the lives of our favorite fictional characters.
When we last left our heroes, Derek was coming "right back" to Meredith at the candle house after intending to break it off with Rose (but, as every good soap-opera-watcher knows, "be right back" are famous last words that usually result in a kidnapping or bus crash or alien abduction and I am certain that Grey's won't disappoint).
George and Lexie had moved into their contraband-furnished apartment after which George got the Chief to agree to let him re-take the intern exam. A two-hour premiere is more than enough time for George and Lexie to sleep together, and based on their shared kiss in the finale, I bet they won't even last through the first hour of tonight's show.
Alex and Izzie re-entered the awkward phase of their relationship, where the borders between friend and lover are permanently blurred, but atleast Izzie - as a MSNBC entertainment writer wrote - slightly "de-dormatted herself" and stood up to her little interns.
The Chief reunited with his wife, Bailey's marriage is in limbo (but here's hoping they can work it out for their uber-adorable baby Tuck), and Yang, a ghost of her usual caustic and tactless wit, took a page out of Meredith's book and moped about in a sullen haze. But, hey, she did show Lexie how to sew a banana.
Sloane, in a self-interested act barely disguised as an altrustic attempt, provided just enough pretext for Callie and Hahn to test the waters of being "more than friends" - which only further raises the question that there must be no other sex-worthy people except for those inside the walls of Seattle Grace. And don't go feeling sorry for Sloane, as I expect he gets just as much enjoyment out of watching the two women than he would if he were involved with either or both of them himself.
Where will they all go from here? Aside from the obvious options (Meredith being mopey, George and Lexie hooking up, Callie and Hahn moving up the awkward-meter), one can only hope that Grey's transforms itself from the mopiest-show-on-earth (led by its title character in her cycle of "Frown. Sigh. Pout.") into something more upexpected and exciting. To aid the show in its attempts to do this, I provide the following suggestions:
1) Derek gets hit by a bus. I'm not a hater on McDreamy, and I doubt Shonda Rimes would do anything to her studly character that holds her female fan-base, but, seriously, no one can just say the words "I'll be right back" and get away with it.
2) Holding the surgical wing hostage. They've had the plague, they've had workplace shooting victims, but borrow one of my favorite plotlines from Providence and keep the surgeons trapped in Seattle Grace's ORs for a few hours/days/whatever.
3) Stolen Ambulance. This actually occurred in Detroit, and I have been saving it for my CSI:Detroit episode, but if Grey's would like to borrow it, I give them permission. Seattle stolen ambulances are decidedly less grungier and grittier than Detroit's.
4) Something involving the Space Needle. The show is set in Seattle - take advantage of the local attractions! I was really hoping the Space Needle would have fallen on that ferry boat a couple seasons ago, but alas, there was just a bang up crash. Think bigger!
5) Volcanic Eruption. As Alex says, being set in the Pacific Northwest, why has Mt. St. Helens not been incorporated into any storylines as of yet? Boy-encased-in-cement gets blown away by boy-encased-in-lava.
Countdown to premiere: 9 hours, 10 mins