25 reasons i am annoyed by grey's anatomy. seriously.

never before has a television show been so simultaneously addiciting and frustrating at the same time. we plan our social engagements around it, we spend hours discussing it, and then we spend more hours discussing how seriously annoying and frustrating it is. eagerly disgruntled, with sit hanging on every second, gathering up the details of meredith and derek, izzie and george, referring to them in conversation as if they were our own friends.

every week we yell at the television and occasionally throw things

every week we say how much more outlandish the plotlines have gotten.

every week we vow to not watch the show and be more productive.

but every week, there we are, eagerly waiting for the clock to change from 8:59 to 9:00.

the following are 25 conclusions/exclamations/grievances i had with the season premiere, just to give you a taste of what it's like to be in my living room on thursdays:

1. they give the interns INTERNS!?!?!?! [these people should not be allowed to teach anyone].

2. and, seriously, way to rip off bailey with the 5 reasons. none of you are as hardcore as bailey.

3. yes, the chief did just call callie "george."

4. no, she does not know what happened to burke, and he is "not around" because he got FIRED OFF THE SHOW. [from here to eternity, burke shall be referred to he-who-shall-not-be-named].

5. HIT A DEER!!!!?!!?!?!

6. "we got a guy rising from the dead over here." [oh good god, cheesey dialogue.]

7. well, now that you only have one arm, you will be able to more identify with your arm-less child. [please note, my specialization will soon be ARMLIS, when i finally add the second one].

8. SHOOT THEM IN THE CEREBRAL CORTEX!!!!

9. way to rip off the severed leg plotline from like 2 seasons ago.

10. good god callie, please do not announce the status of your boobs.

11. "uhhhh, we found an arm in the road!!!!?!" [ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!? and how come when they had the severed penis someone had to be with it at all times, but now they can just walk in off the street with an arm?]

12. and seriously, how come addison is gone and we still have to watch sloan.

13. obviously dr. who-will-not-be-named has resigned as he is now on bionic woman.

14. good god, george and izzie stop arguing over who is bambi.

15. what are they going to do with this deer when they get it fixed up? a deer can't remember to come back every week for a check-up. what happens when you shock a deer?

16. OH MY GOOD GOD THE DEER JUST JUMPED UP! DEER!!! WHERE WAS IZZIE WHEN BAMBI'S MOTHER DIED!!??!?!

17. george please, oh please, do NOT sleep with lexie. though finally, atleast one of the grey women has some sense.

18. i wish derek would punch sloan again. ["i came to seattle to get you back." seriously, weren't you professing your love to addison?]

19. why did izzie call her interns duds?

20. ALEX AND CRISTINA, IF YOU SLEEP TOGETHER I AM NEVER WATCHING THIS SHOW AGAIN. SERIOUSLY.

21. why does meredith always get in these situations where people are calling her from each side? [remember meredith/finn/derek at the prom?]

22. “this is it”?!?!?! THIS IS NOT IT!! THIS WILL NEVER BE IT! this is GREY’S anatomy and there will always be ANOTHER chance to reunite. especially when you make out like that after you have broken up. and then have sex.

23. plus, if you break up, we won’t be able to use that cool new moniker of “merder.”

23. george and izzie!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 OH MY GOOD GAWD! george, atleast if you love izzie, STOP TRYING TO GET CALLIE PREGNANT.

24. bailey could so kick callie's ass if they had to fight for chief resident.

25. seriously.

Continuing my Academic Demise....

Yesterday I said that I only write posts to yell at Detroit and Wayne State.

I take that back.

I also use it to yell at televsion shows which I know I cannot change.

1. You know shit it messed up when someone using a power drill to make a hole in someone's head is the most believable part of your show.

2. The man with the fucking hole in his leg swam. Why the fuck can't you?!?! [look, you're not me. I'm probably the only person left on this earth who doesn't know how to swim]

3. How many people know their boss's cell phone number off the top of their heads in a moment of extreme crisis? seriously.

4. I hope she fucking dies. Then the show can just be called "Anatomy" and it would be so much easier.

5. Alex and Addison just need to get it over with and sleep with each other. It will happen next week. Hopefully.

6. DENNY AND THE BOMB MAN?!?!?!?! What. the. hell. This moment resulted in even more screaming at the TV than when George said he married Callie. I never thought I would live to see the day when Grey's thought it was self-important enough to go all Sarte-ian. [which leads me to point 8].

7. Meredith probably won't die. She'll probably go into a coma Days of Lives style, magically wake up in the middle of next season and in the meantime Derek will have married Izzie, and she'll be pregnant, and Burke will have died because he made fun of George and Christina is now a lesbian and George and Callie will have broken up and now Callie is with Sloane and George somehow seduced Addison and all thats left for Meredith will be Alex and Meredith will be so pissed that she'll really kill herself in the bathtub.

8. If you continually jump the shark, every week - do you ever REALLY jump the shark? And how many sharks can you actually jump?

9. I am so watching next week.

Just so I can say I called it.

Since it was about 2:30 am and we had nothing better to do, me and Jill of course decided to watch yesterday's episode of Grey's Anatomy online.

We cannot believe we are this addicted to a show with such ridiculous plotlines which we complain about constantly. Yet we watch it on loop.

And in next week's episode there is supposed to be some massive diasaster which kills a shit load of people. We predict any combination of the following scenarios:

1. Its a fucking lame disaster like 2 ferry boats hitting each other. [This will probably be it, as previews always make the next episode look more dramatic than it actually is]

2. Terrorists learn that herbal supplements combined with radiation and chemo create neuro toxins and so they run around feeding cancer patients herbs.

3. Terrorists blow up the Space Needle.

4. A ferry boat runs into the Space Needle.

5. Due to an earthquake the Space Needle tips over. And lands on a ferry boat.

I am really rooting for something involving the Space Needle and/or ferry boats.

Grey's Anatomy Episode #4450973406572: The Ears

Nothing ever takes its normal course with me.Who has their ears pierced? EVERYONE.But of course, when I tried to do it - well, things did not go so much as planned.

Yesterday, my ears started to hurt and throughout the course of the day, they got progressively more swollen and red. And then, when getting ready to leave for BW's class, my left ear decided that it had had enough and it swelled up so much that it swallowed up the stud, meaning the ball was actually inside my ear.

Slightly gross, yes. Add to this blood, and needless to say, I was thoroughly disgusted.

You know things are bad when Jill tries to comfort you by saying "Well...at least you got a tetnus shot last year when you sliced your finger."

Indeed.

It was then determined that there should be an operation last night to attempt to remove said stuck-in earring. Andew J played the part of the anastegiologist, suggesting I go to Cass Cafe and get drunk before the operation began (which needless to say, we did). The interns included Saraff (who in her drunken state) held an entire lamp up to my ear for better viewing, Stephanie and Karen who in their sobriety tried to reign in the Saraff (Sara: I think maybe Sasha should bite down on a bullet. Stephanie: I don't think she should bite on metal. Maybe this hot mitt would better.), and the roommates who lended their moral support. McJill herself was the surgeon, the best earring removal surgeon UT Grace has to offer.

Sadly, said operation was unsuccessful, as neither earring could be removed easily and blood was coming out of both ears. It was deteremined that I should probably not to go to Harper or Receiving at 1 am, as they would probably only tell me to go get a gun shot wound and come back and then maybe they would look at me. So this morning I had to place the following call to my mother:

Alex: Mom, I am having some health issues.

Mom: (suspicious already) Yeeeessss?

Alex: Over Christmas break I went to go get my ears pierced and -

Mom: What?!Alex: So, you didn't notice then.

Mom: No.

Alex: Oh. Well. Anyway, there are both infected - one is really bad, like the ball of earring is stuck inside my ear and I can't get it out.

Mom: (sigh) Fine. I will call Dr. Kim. I hope you don't need plastic surgery.

But thankfully, my doctor seems to have encountered this problem many times and with dexterity popped out the stuck in earring, and got the other one out as well and then drained both ears. Real doctors do things much better than drunken friends (no offense).

Now I have to wait about 3 months, and if I want to try again, I need to get a higher grade metal than just 14 kt. Boo.

As we got into the car to leave the doctor's office my mom said "This is a shame Alex. Dad gave me some diamond earrings one time, and I still never went and got my ears pierced. I could have given them to you."

Gee.

Thanks.

ABC - eat your heart out.

As most of you probably know by now, ABC has somehow hacked into my computer and is stealing my blog entries for use as story lines on Grey's Anatomy. Sure, they are sort of disguised as to trick me into thinking that they are not plagarizing me.

I write a fictional account of me and Jill being quarantined for SARS? Bubonic plague makes an appearance.

Same account - a car crashes into Recieving Hospital. On Grey's a car spins out of control and crashes through a market.

Really, the evidence is undeniable.

But ABC, I would now like to make you an offer. Today, something which could only happen in this great city of ours, Detroit, has happened. Let me recount you the tale.

Man is arrested for driving stolen car.
Man is taken to jail, where man is either for real, or feigns, sickness.
Man is taken to the Detroit Recieving (seriously, this is way more badass than Seattle Grace).
Man starts to fight with police officer who tries to handcuff him when they get to Recieving.
Man manages to wrestle gun away from police officer.
Man grabs clerk and takes said clerk with him outside by gunpoint.
Man fires several shots with newly stolen gun outside of hospital.
Man then releases clerk but hijacks an ambulance standing outside with 2 patients inside.
Man then forces ambulance driver to drop him off at Third and Canfield, which is yes, several blocks away from my apartment and very near to Wayne State University.
Man flees on foot.
Man is tracked by dogs to bus stop on Canfield and Grand River, where the trail runs cold.

Okay ABC - can it not get any better then this? Crazed man (apparently, this loose gunman has some sort of mental illness and has not taken his medication)breaks free in hospital, with a gun, hijacks an ambulance and then flees to nearby college campus. Whoever writes Grey's Anatomy - look, you cannot invent a story like this. So let me write this episode for you, for real (instead of this ghostwriting stuff you're having me do). I promise you it will be brilliant, and then you can pay me royalties. It will be glorious.

This is why I am proud to say I live in Detroit.

Today I was walking down Woodward and a bum came right up to me, put his face at a vaguely uncomfortably close distance to mine and asked:

"Hey would you give me a kiss?"

To which I could only reply:"Ahahahahahahah no sir."

Then to make things even better, the bum said:

"No come on! Seriously!"

To which I could only laugh even more because even bums are picking up the 'Grey's Anatomy' slang.

The Best Combination Ever

Waffles.

Blue Light.

Grey's Anatomy.

[Glorious.]